#which also means i think a lot of them are just ppl who like both characters and are doing it in a 'well why not' kind of way
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starlitvick · 2 months ago
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The respect I have for people who have actually been able to read The Odyssey and The Iliad is insane.
I was at the bookstore today buying the newest pjo book and I went to the classics section like “hm maybe I can buy The Iliad and The Odyssey so I can finally read them instead of getting all my information on the plot from video summaries, spark notes, and tumblr” then I grabbed both of them and decided to yk sift through to see if I could actually even read it. I in fact, could NOT read those things. Like the style of English and speaking hurt my brain, I thought the spark notes summaries were brain melting but oh lord the book itself hurt more.
So yeah I did not buy either one and only both wrath of the triple goddess lmao, but I did leave with a lot of respect for the people who have been able to actually read the book because I just can’t
But also if anyone has like a translation of either one that’s easier to read please do recommend and I’ll see if I can get it because I would really like to actually have a copy I can refer to when I need it (a copy I can actually understand that is)
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wereh0gz · 1 year ago
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I'm definitely not the only queer person who's kinda wary of Christian ppl they encounter online right?
Like I see a profile that clearly states they're Christian and they post like Bible verses and shit and I'm just. Hoping they're not queerphobic. Or saying some dumbass shit like "hate the sin love the sinner" or whatever while pretending that's not queerphobic
If they're interacting with me first it's pretty safe to assume they're not gonna be like that bc I'm very obviously queer (🏳️‍🌈 + pronouns in bio) but if it's someone who hasn't interacted with me at all I kind of instinctively avoid interacting with them out of fear of them being that way. Y'know
#ramblings#i think it's bc even tho i've never been religious and my family isn't like a super uptight christian family#i have encountered a preacher who was homophobic and transphobic before#he's puerto rican too which just makes me disappointed in my people tbh#i grew up surrounded by a lot of accepting ppl both within and outside of the family#as well as a couple gay/trans ppl#i was always taught that that's just the way some ppl are and that we should respect that#even if we didn't fully understand everything and weren't up to date with the latest most accepted terminology and stuff#ppl were just respectful and let others be themselves#so it's extremely hard for me to understand why other ppl would be queerphobic#i mean. i kinda get it. it what they were taught growing up. just how i was taught to be accepting and respectful#but why ppl would continue to teach that to their kids and perpetuate queerphobia is really what i don't get#like. accepting that ppl different from you exist and that's ok isn't going to kill you#maybe learn abt the world from other sources besides the bible and try to see different perspectives#instead of shutting yourself off to just one way of thinking and hurting ppl in the process#anyways. i think it's also bc i've seen too many really religious ppl on the internet who are also queerphobic#and they have these big platforms of ppl who support them and share their views#and like. i shouldn't generalize. but they paint an ugly image of christians in general#also like. christians throughout history don't have the cleanest track record#but i know a lot of christians nowadays aren't like that. in fact i'm willing to say most aren't#but still it's like. better be safe than sorry y'know#idk man
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lord-squiggletits · 8 months ago
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"Rodimus is a better Prime because it didn't hurt for him to bond with the Matrix while for Optimus it did" headcanon/theory my beloathed.
One day I'm literally gonna snap and make a whole post addressing why what's wrong bc I'm tired of the inaccuracy and tired of ppl not understanding the Point TM of IDW and its version of the Matrix/Primacy and even more tired of people putting down Optimus in favor of Rodimus by essentially arguing that being unworthy means you deserve to be punished/put in pain bc you just weren't good enough to hold the Symbol of Ultimate Authority
#it's wrong on so many levels both in terms of lore and as well as like what the general themes of idw1 are#it's just a validation contest using the matrix as some magical symbol to decide who's the most special#which is ironically something that was a plot point in exrid/OP. specifically how stupid of an idea that is ldskjflksd#ppl revealing that they havent read anything besides mtmte/ll as usual#like half the reason ppl think optimus is a bad prime and rodimus is a good prime is literally bc like#optimus was written by an author who was specifically trying to deconstruct him (sometimes to the point of absurdity)#and rodimus was written by an author who takes a more optimistic/idealistic approach. and is also better at writing#but also like am i seriously the only person who thinks that that argument is fucked up?????#like 'OP felt pain which means he's unworthy/not a real prime/not a true leader'#ok so you think that there's a hierarchy of moral goodness in which anyone who falls short of that Moral Ideal should suffer#as a sign of their unworthiness?? like does that not sound dystopian as hell to any of you?? why would you WANT the matrix to work like tha#even if the theory were true (which it isn't) why would you view the matrix as a good authoritative moral judge of character#if its idea of 'moral judgement' is to inflict pain on anyone who's supposedly not truly good/worthy#wasn't the entire point of the ending of LL (including rodimus being a good leader) that everyone is worth it?#like rodimus literally said 'you ARE damn well good enough' or something like that#so what? everyone else in the universe tries their best and that's enough but somehow when OP suffers it's like#a sign that he's not actually a good prime/leader?? we're really going with the punitive perspective purely for One Guy??#swear to god ppl are projecting their authority issues onto Optimus the way they shit on him for things they would excuse#if any other character did it#Optimus is uniquely deserving of pain/being marked as unworthy bc idk he was a cop once and that offends my delicate sensibilities#what's even funnier is how much harm was inflicted by rodimus as a captain sheerly due to his stupidity or ego but everyone forgives him#i guess bc as long as the matrix likes him that means he's valid no matter what he actually does as a person#WHICH IS SOMETHING IDW ITSELF ARGUED AGAINST BC A LOT OF THE PRIMES THAT WERE CHOSEN BY THE MATRIX#WERE DICKS AND THE FACT THEY COULD WIELD THE MATRIX DIDN'T MAKE THEM GOOD PEOPLE#like oh my god stop using the matrix as an arbiter of moral authority in idw1 it literally goes against the themes of the story#including the themes that are embodied in rodimus himself#idw op love
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diddlesnap · 30 days ago
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I think there were some serious growing pains when katniss and peeta were starting to "grow close" again.
#NOT TAGGING THIS but yeah this would be maybe a few months post?#when katniss and peeta are just starting to be friends again#while peeta is still kind of adjusting to the new person he is and coming to terms with what he's done in that process#which ends up making him come across as a little bitter? but i dont think he means to be. weird situation obviously.#and i think it's particularly hard for katniss considering she's someone who gets so much comfort from physical contact#and for the person from whom she got so much comfort to have snuck up on her and tried to kill her. twice.#because theres no denying that THAT person is closer to who peeta is now than who he was before being tortured in the capitol#so it takes a long time for her to not fear his touch. i think. and i think although he knows better#peeta's still kind of burned by it. like he understands it but it still hurts kind of thing#... IDK sorry i have a lot of thoughts about how their dynamic would have to fundamentally change post-mj#and its kind of weird how that's glossed over i mean its not plot relevant i guess but if theyre....#WHATEVER anyway yeah.#id like to do smth more with this idea of them adjusting to their new relationship so this is rly just a draft :)#sorry can you tell i could talk about peeniss for hours??? can you tell????????#ive really gotta practice drawing burn scars also because at this point theyd both have pretty angry burn scars on their faces and hands#i also think im rambling a lot here bc i dont want ppl to get the wrong idea or anything bc i hold both of them so close to my heart#same kind of thing as mommy katniss i guess i udnerstand it doesnt portray them in the best light but at the same time i really do think.#realistically they just wouldnt.... be well adjusted? sorry. anwyay. diddle out.
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gibbearish · 1 year ago
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so like i want to talk more abt what suicidal means but the problem is "suicidal ideation presents in two general forms, active and passive. the thing most people think of as suicidal is the active version, where the person *actively* desires to be dead and/or is making a plan to get there. the passive form however gets almost no attention in media so many people experiencing it are unaware they are even depressed, much less passively suicidal. some examples: not wanting to experience death but feeling like you wouldn't mind if you didn't wake up tomorrow or just stopped existing; feeling deeply exhausted with just the entire concept of being alive; even feeling like you want to run away, change your name, and start a whole new life; none of these look like suicidal ideation to most people because they don't involve actively doing anything to get from point a to point b, especially the more abstract ones like the start a new life thing - but remember that in order to truly start a whole new life, you have to destroy your current one. it's not suicidal as in wanting to actually DIE die, it's just. wanting something close enough to scratch the itch. but just because you haven't booked the ticket doesn't mean you don't still revisit the 'vacation activities at point b' tab occasionally to daydream, yknow?" is i think very informative and specific, but its also quite long and run on-y so people are v likely to tap out like a third of the way through it, whereas "suicidal doesnt necessarily mean wanting to die" is way shorter and therefore catchier, but is also the kind of nonspecific phrasing that gets you a thousand angry anons about how you said all suicidal people are just pretending they actually want to die or some dumb shit. so it's a fun line to toe
#especially when youre far too lazy to dig up sources however if u google passive suicidal theres a lot of info#pretty front and center altho you will get jumpscared by the size 1000 font suicide hotline number#or maybe you wont but i sure was. why was it so big#in this house we simply post both as part of another hashtag relatable post in the hopes that the two for one bargain#will entice viewers to read the whole thing and go 'wait but /i/ feel like that what do you mean'#and then make a meta joke about it in the tags so the viewers think we're hip and cool#nah but seriously i see ppl not knowing abt this . so much and every time im like !!!!!!! no youre not crazy youre not supposed#to feel like this!!!!#so its one of the things where im like nah idc if im being annoying abt this as long as i hit the one (1) todays lucky 10000 who needs it#this one i dont remember seeing on any articles but id like to propose also that having trouble imagining your future can count too#and like obviously all of these have exceptions right like. ppl can just want to start a whole new life for non suicidal reasons#but if theres a pattern of these things or you find yourself being drawn back to one over and over again thats#when you should start being like ok somethings afoot#like the imagining ur future one you could easily have trouble visualizing things or even just Not Be Especially Imaginative#...or... it could be that deep down you dont feel like you /have/ one so your brain just. steers away from the subject entirely#and ykno. knowing which one it is is usually pretty helpful LOL#anyways. sorry theres no paragraph breaks i could not for the life of me figure out a good spot for them#/suicide#/suicide mention#/suicidal ideation#/depression#/death mention#and of course i think also like a lot of things this is more of a spectrum than a binary like obviously 'run away and#start a new life' is def a bit less active than 'id be ok w it if i didnt wake up tomorrow' but theyre still both on the lassive side#passive*#eugh im rambling now and not even in the slightly contained way the post itself is#im hitting post without rereading for the 40th time otherwise ill remember another tangent so if theres#any errors left my apologies
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toestalucia · 7 months ago
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btw was looking thro some stuff up to ~ch156 somewhere due to that post, but i like these parts soooooooo much
Repti: Duat, island of tribunals. Not only did you rescue your friend from an illegal death, but you even toppled the True King. An absolute brilliant display of skill. Choice: What are you scheming now?
meets repti again and immediately is on guard. me too
Then Ruby Pop Irotis points to the stone coffer nearby. A dull light glows from the coffer, which is topped with a pane of smooth glass. She seems to want Captain to look inside. Upon inspecting the contents, Captain's mind refuses to accept what the eyes see. Irotis: I'm sorry, Captain… Lyria, she… Confused beyond belief, hearing the woman speak Lyria's name pushes Captain over the edge. The captain lunges at her.
ITS THE LUNGEINNNNGGGGG ruby pop irotis u are my favorite my everything. no other va has had to cry as much as u have had to. they need to add u to more things immediadetly
HOLD ON THERES ALSO THIS PART
Captain studies the neatly folded scarf. Showing no signs of becoming a mask again, it looks like a common piece of neckwear. But from the moment Captain's fingers brush against the threads, the captain knows it came from the shrine priestess. Captain embarked on a journey first started by their parents, and it falls to the captain to rescue the shrine priestess. Feeling that it's another step toward the ultimate destination, Captain stows the scarf away. Right next to the letter that reads: "I'll be waiting for you in Estalucia, the Island of the Astrals."
im gonna be honest i forgot they kept the scarf. i did not forget the mask thing but this was crucial info i need to lean into more. btw the 'their' in there is ingame. i need to collect all those instances cuz it DOES happen, its one of my earliest gbf memories LOOOOL i do assume its to make localization easier so they dont have to put a he/she tag cuz they DO use he/she too, but whatever, its highly why i use they/he for gran either way.
also wording stuff but saying 'it falls to the captain' makes me ill. thinks about how dad made sure zinkenstill's villagers wouldnt tell captain about what happened long ago despite it involving the death of their grandparents & that they have an aunt out there. so they wouldnt set out with revenge. proceeds to tell them to go to estalucia insteAAADDDDDDDDDDD GGGGGG also they always reference the 'ill be waiting there' part. i get it. i know why. but when u put that next to an item u received from a friend who was told by ur aunt to give it to u ?!?!?!? ur aunt who was kidnapped by the kingdom ure currently in ?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!? the fact true king 1) has the luminary table = the luminary knights. baragona & walfrid r friends with dad (i need to get back to it but theres some dialogue about it belonging to erste?tau'luk when i get u) 2) essentially forces captain into a political engagement with his daughter. like. gran is NOT having a good time in oarlyegrande. they do not want to return even when this is all over. sorry oarlyegrande is so much i cant stop talking unfortunately for everyone i am obsesseed with main quest
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trans-leek-cookie · 11 months ago
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as a certified Aromantic Asexual (I should make myself a certificate) I genuinely don't Believe there is systemic oppression that specifically targets Aromantic or Asexual people.
I do however believe that people Cannot be normal about ppl who don't have sex or romantic relationships, and that can Really Impact Aromantic And Asexual People.
Also like. Aros n aces are still. Experiences Other forms of oppression that can interact with the aro and/or ace-ness
#Like. Woman doesn't get married. Maybe aro maybe illegal for her to marry who she wants maybe no fuckin reason. She's probably gonna get#Some shit for it but that's primarily misogyny. While it does affect aro ppl disproportionately bc. Yeah. It's not based on them being#Aro it's a conicindental intersection. Also can y'all be normal about sex and virgins#Anyway slightly related dreaming of a world in which it was better acknowledged that sex repulsion while common for ace ppl#Was not synonymous w being ace so we avoided the ace discord phenomenon that a bunch of gay/lesbian/bi ppl mis identified as ace#Bc they couldn't deal w the idea of having sex w a person of the same gender#With the idea of actually having sex bc it was treated as gross (sex repulsion as a result of society) or that trauma survivors#Misidentified as ace bc they had issues w sex bc trauma. Also that sex repulsion wasnt like an identity but rather a Symptom that could be#Either a problem or neutral. Who else's brain was boiled by ace and also inclus/exclus discord and came out thinking everyone was fucking#Stupid. Like both sides had Points but it was mostly just bullshit and no one fucking talking. Also ppl kept talking about ace ppl#''stealing resources'' and multiple ppl joked Abt that which is a problem bc that means. A BUNCH OF LGBT PPL DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT RESOURCE#THEY HAD (anyway looking back on it. Idk if ace ppl were even taking up resources or anything like the common example was LGBT shelters#Bc like if u were gay u might be kicked out of a normal shelter but if u were ace u would probably not get kicked out so if an ace person#Went to an LGBT shelter then they might've taken a bed from someone who needed it more which. I guess is theoretically possible but also id#If that ever fucking. Was something to actually give a shit Abt. Correct me if I'm wrong)#ALSO the idea of ''all gay ppl should go to hell'' ''oh do bi ppl only half go to hell?'' sure thats probably a problem but also. A LOT OF#THOSE WERE EVERYONE DOING IT INCLUDING GAY PPL? LIKE THE FUCKING ''ALL GAY PPL SHOULD BE ON AN ISLAND AND THE POPULATION AUFNFJNSAJ''#like does anyone else remember that. Everyone was making those stupid fucking jokes. This is just a rant Abt me being on Tumblr without an#Account for years and the psychic damage I've accrued. Anyway fuck AO3 goodbye
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ilikeyoshi · 1 year ago
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fascinated by the number of replies on that poll that are just "no bc it's none of my business" like. ok???? extremely weird point to make. would it also be none of your business if that friend like. mugged somebody. hit their partner. tf does "it's not my business" have to do with anything they have displayed blatant disregard for the trust and love of others. it's GONNA be your business when they do some heinous shit behind your back.
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yuribalisms · 1 year ago
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Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that
#I’m going to be depressing and self depreciating in the tags so. fair warning to anyone who reads them#I’ve known for a while now that I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve thought of a few ideas but none of them seem to be working. and I#think a good chunk of what it’s boiling down to is that I am quite literally just stupid when it comes to an actual useful real life skills.#and it’s frustrating because I can’t even talk to ppl I know and confide in them that I feel dumb and stupid without them being like ‘nooooo#don’t say that! you’re not stupid! you were top of your class in hs!’ (that is their favorite thing to fall back on) but like. the thing is#I wasn’t even smart in hs. sure I did good but that’s because I cheated my way through and got lucky a lot. I never actually learned anythin#I never understood what I was being taught or how to apply it. I was good at English and art classes and that was it those were the only one#I truly felt I knew what I was doing in and grasped the subject matter well. I know I’m good at those two things and smart when it comes to#those subjects. but the thing is. in real life. both of those are useless skills. I can’t make money with them and it is highly unlikely#that will ever change. and yes I know not being able to make money with it doesn’t mean it’s useless but like it kinda does. capitalism#sucks. I know that. we all do. but that doesn’t change that we live in a capitalist society and it’s unlikely to actual change in my lifetim#so I’m stuck to try and figure out how to live in it. but I have no skills I can make money with so I will live my entire life poor and#miserable and working dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself. I’m not good at socialization I’m so fucking bad at it so I can’t work#any kind of job that hinges on networking or sales or human interaction which is MOST JOBS but I’m also too stupid for anything related to#STEM. I tried two different stem degrees and flunked out of both of them because I am a FUCKING IDIOT and I know there’s no point in trying#to go back to school for another one. but no degree in anything I naturally have a knack for will help me find a decent well paying job. ill#just be wasting my money to go to school for something like that. and then like. I don’t even think I’ll ever get married and I def won’t#ever have kids. so I can’t even put any hopeful stock in just being happy with a family one day. I know a lot of ppl who don’t like their#careers but they’re fine with that because they’re happy with their family but like I don’t even have that and I won’t ever have that. I#have NOTHING to strive for and NOTHING I am good at that’s meaningful I’m going to fail at having a career and a family and I know that#doesn’t mean I won’t be happy in theory but by societal standards I am and always will be a fucking failure of a person and since I do live#in this society yeah. it’s kinda fucking true. and I don’t know what to do about that. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being afraid and#struggling and going through patches of wanting to kill myself because of this because like what’s the point. I’ll never have anything#better so what in the actual hell is the point of me existing. and I know I’m being ridiculous and my brain is eating itself and none of#this is probably even true but that doesn’t change that it FEELS like it is a lot of times and esp right now and I don’t know what to do#to anyone who reads this I’ll be fine tbh prob as soon as tomorrow like dw about it I just need to get it out so I stop stewing in it.#I’m just. yeah. not having a great time rn but I left work so I’m gonna cry and then maybe sleep for a bit and hope that helps#kaz rambles
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dimiclaudeblaigan · 2 years ago
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im doing one for shinon too bc he deserves it
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shinon radiant dawn vc: my mom never hugged me
shinon path of radiance and radiant dawn vc: -treats greil like a respectable father and never mentions his own father literally ever-
shinon radiant dawn death quote: (smiling portrait) “Ugh... This is...such a crock... What a... boring way to die... Co... Commander... Greil... I... I... I'm...” (is he implying “I’m coming to see you again”, based on the quote and smiling portrait?)
#DCB Comments#shinon is one of those characters where the fandom focuses on one single negative trait#and they blow it up completely and pretend it's the only trait he ever has had and ever will have#meanwhile there's a gold mine of information you can figure out just by reading his lines and thinking about why he acts like that#like the whole want for money to live well when they're clearly not super well off mercenaries#or when he takes weapons from dead enemies and gets scolded for it but like can they even afford new weapons regularly?#the way he acts implies he grew up poor and has always been poor and STILL IS but he's there bc he cares about greil#and eventually came to care about everyone else and cares a lot about kids which they had rolf who rly respected shinon#he does what he can to help them raise money when they need it but fact is they always need it#in his quote versus oscar in chapter 18 oscar asks him if promotion is so important and he says it's everything#he clearly has no ill will toward oscar but for shinon getting promoted and getting money in that promotion will help him live well#he's tired of being fucking poor. he doesn't see an issue with wanting to live like you know a normal person should#but ofc everyone sees that he argued with janaff in two supports (which btw janaff egged on HARD and talked shit abt greil#and he also used racist rhetoric back at shinon so like... that whole argument was a two way street#but the fandom ignores that and just calls shinon racist even tho in their A support shinon specifically catches himself#from using a racist term and changes the term he uses so he's not being rude bc he learned he was wrong abt laguz through janaff#and janaff learned he was wrong about beorc through shinon. it was a very development heavy support chain for both of them#the fandom hates on shinon for ''being racist'' even tho he's one of the few non-main characters to actually get full development#and has a complete story from beginning to end between both games and comes out better for it)#i mean that's only a couple examples of things that aren't even hard to read into but ppl like to reduce him to one trait#and one trait that actually gets better and develops through both games. oh no a flawed character who has to have a development journey AAAA#guess what he's perfect specifically bc he's not a boring already perfect and flawless character#he has to get angry and get annoyed and learn from others despite being a grown adult. he has to have negative interactions to grow#he doesn't get to cling to the ADORED main character and get a gay paired ending and be loved for it#which no offense to soren that's not his fault that's the fandom's fault for treating them both the way they do for stupid reasons#i.e. would soren rly be so loved by the fandom if he wasn't tunnel visioned at ike#yes i will take forever to write this out slowly with my injured arm JUST TO GET THIS POINT ACROSS!#HE IS A FANTASTIC CHARACTER EVEN WITHIN THE TELLIUS CAST AND I WILL FIGHT FOR HIM11!!111!!!1!#also i wrote this earlier between those asks no im not that speedy lel. much less with a bandaged arm l e l
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nomaishuttle · 1 year ago
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anything exciting going on today guys. ive been playing sdv all day due to the devil resides within me
#got to winter so im doing ginger island stuff#its. sigh. yk...#my mod t fix it is like. the dialogue + portrait changes are in place but not. the spritez? which annoys ne ...#also my one mod t make ermm. winter star less christmassy seems t be messing up.. bc the sprite to replace the christmas trees is like#its there but. Behind the christmas tree? like it loaded both at once.#i havent xhabged the settjngs for that Or my map mod so idk..bc it wa working fine in year 1... mgght just hsve t dig in deeper and check..#i also umm disabled my sprites + portraits mod for the ginger island charactsrs so HOPEFULLY that helps. i havent reloaded le game yrt so#mabye tmrw itll be all fixed... grins#BUT. not 2 brag i got both of the winter fish i was looking for in 1 day... first day of winter zlets go gamers. and thats all j rly hsd#for winter. the rest is umm. my last 2 spring thangs (apricot and legend) and then the aby season stuff which i think atp is. liteeally#just the ginger island stuff... so i should have that done by spring !! very exciting 4 me..#anorher issue abt the umm diverse ginger island mod is. i HAVE the addon t make the portraits look nicer but. Ohh i dont mean to be hateful#rheyre still so insanely ugly 2 me the portrsits 😭😭 they just are not up to par#also ngl i think a lot of the changes are like. idk. some of them feel entirely just. lame.#like idk how 2 say this withiut sounding like a bigot whos like LESS GAY PPL but like. the problem with ginger island wasnt. that birdie#was mourning her husband instead of her wife. yk#i also think its just kinda WEIRD t like. age leo up sm. and to make him have a gay thing with sam like idk. i think it was possible t just#have an islander kid. and not be weird abt it.. but idk..#IDK. thats like. hateful. and i do rly appreciate the likee. yk. i appreciate rhe goal of the mod and i find it t be. better than canon#Not that thats hard lord. im just like idk..#i just dk. im rly conflicted on it#i wish there were more like. options t choose from irt to ginger island rewrites yk.#i saw like one other whej i was sesrching but iirc it was like#I LOVE GINGER ISLAND AND HOW IT WAS HANDLED! i just wanted to add MORE <3 and its like. ok man
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ame-to-ame · 3 months ago
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Rereading ayaka is in love with Hiroko senpai!!! Last time I read it I don't think it was finished/I didn't finish it but ack. Now I also want to be in love 😭😭😭
#i want to say i want to be someone like ayaka but in reality im probably more like hiroko#i used to be someone like ayaka. i was really tunnel visioned and i didn't consider much aside from the person i was interested in#but it's been years now and there's a lot more to consider and it's. hard and im even more scared now.#i think there's someone who im currently talking with who's trying to figure out if im into women or not and if im available or not#but it's that sort of thing where there's just. a lot in my shoulders and a lot to consider. i want a relationship eventually but.#there's just so much to consider right now. in the past i thought that as long as i could make my partner happy a rx is just btwn 2 of us#but when i did actually get into a serious long term relationship i realized that most people. do expect getting to have in laws.#people for the most part want to be loved proudly and not have to hide it. and i do too. but at the same time. i just. there's so much on me#i almost came out to my dad the other day while trying to console him. but maybe that news would just be the last straw for him. idk.#i just can't really afford to have my life be shaken up much more right now when i just rebuilt some stability.#especially when my parents are having a midlife crisis and both of them are leaning on me. my health worsening also stressed them out too.#i really thought I'd be braver and have less to worry about the older i got and the more independent i became but. ig not.#in my teens i told myself once i reached adulthood I'd be free to be myself and pursue happiness. in my 20s i tell myself after med school.#maybe once I'm finally out of med school and etc I'll have the opportunity to live my life. or maybe by then there will be another reason.#it's a real concern. i mean. sure I've never wanted kids I've always been ace and I've always liked women but. the societal pressure.#to other queer people the gaydar goes off easily but to the cishet audience i've mostly. been able to go unnoticed.#and when you're younger not having a bf or ppl you're interested in and being focused on your studies is a thing your parents are proud of#but as i get older. it's just been harder. i don't know how much longer i have before i have to conform or have the cat out of the bag.#i don't even get it sometimes. i really don't. the expectation of family and marriage is wanting happiness for your child right? but somehow#idk. idk. i really don't know. sometimes maintaining an image. might be more important than your child's feelings.#and i really can't be certain that between ego and saving face compared to me that. I'll come out on top. i really don't know.#idk. idk. i know there are ppl interested in dating me. but idk. i really need some time to process things through.#sometimes i ask myself how i would feel abt it and i really can't figure out how i feel at all.#it's ok to date someone u don't love ig. i mean. I've done it before. you can make yourself like someone after a while. but idk if i.#idk i just. i think im just really scared. and I'll need at least another month or so before anything is back on the table.#it's honestly just me running away from having to deal with sorting out thoughts and feelings 👍👍👍 which i eventually will have to face ig#but if i do fall in love ik i have it in me to sort those things out quickly i think. if im not too scared to let myself fall.#ig i just have to get more used to ppl being interested in me again ack 😭 it's easy to ignore it when dating someone but. now.#and it was fine in the summer bc i wasn't really around too many ppl my age. but. ugh. unfortunately. i do have. a face and a personality.#delete later
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arolesbianism · 6 months ago
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If I had the freedom of not knowing there is going to be future new lore stuff added to oni I would do unspeakable things to so many of these guys. Or Id just make them normal guys who just sorta exist. Either or.
#rat rambles#oni posting#let it be known that the second we have any sort of base of scientist ari's character and job Im going to go buck wild#I'm not even the biggest ari fan but idk I've been thinking a lot abt them lately#not anything concrete for obvious reasons but still they have so much potential#like tbh I wouldnt be surprised if theyre already technically in the logs as one of the randos I know theyre klei's second favorite child#I say second favorite because we all know meep is the favorite#anyways I hope ari does smth mildly fucked up when they do inevitably become relevant I think thatd be fun#or maybe theyll just be another artifact namedrop and never be mentioned again but I doubt it#you see meep is a man of few words he only needs to be implied through one email to leave his mark#ari needs to do smth a bit fucked up and then not elaborate I think thats the most fun ari play#as in I think itd be funny if they were like involved in smth super important but it's only briefly implied in a log where theyre talking#abt smth irrelevant and unrelated#my vote is them either being involved in the employee kidnapping or being involved in the dna stealing#yknow we still dont know who the duo in bioengineering that was mentioned once are#the only potential duo I can think of would be maybe liam and ada but idk if theyd be involved in that specifically#I think they very well could have been tho and it would be kinda fun#plus it'd give us more insight as to who could hypothetically be in the know abt the inner workings of the duplicant project#because that would mean that the plant guy could also be in the know#as in it would draw the critter and plant bioengineering ppl closer to the actual duplicant stuff itself#which would make some sense for them to be aware of the dupes but the extent of that knowledge is a question that remains#but yeah other than those two I can't rly think of any duos that are both in bioengineering#like liam isnt comfirmed but he also isnt explicitly in a different department so hes still an option#banhi and bubbles cant be it since banhi is in robotics#and every other duo falls into a similar situation or are just not in bioengineering at all#its probably not that relevant of a detail but I think its fun to speculate#but yeah Im excited to learn more abt all these guys in the future as long as it's not ellie she can explode (affectionate but still)#oh also no first hand nikola second hand nikola is fine tho#oh also I hope gossmann only gets a first initial I don't wanna know her first name#itd be so heartbreaking if they walked out and declared her full name was like tiffany gossmann or smth like that
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tyrannuspitch · 7 months ago
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sometimes it really does feel like i'm undergoing some kind of second-hand queerplatonic experience simply by trying to engage with fandom while centring and prioritising a platonic relationship. i mean, no-one's actually being hostile to me or anything, but there is honestly a kind of pervasive feeling that i just Don't Fit. in my fandom, there are communities for romantic relationships, and there are communities for individual characters, but how do i find *my* people? if there ever was a way, it's long since died out, but honestly i suspect there wasn't. i think we've always been scattered. most ppl who engage are just dabbling, or vastly prefer one character over the other. this relationship is at least peripheral to the entire fandom's experience but ppl for whom it's actually the centre are. somehow. few and far between
#but idk this is actually a gen-heavy fandom (relatively speaking 😒) so maybe i'm making it up#and what i'm actually experiencing is just a super advanced stage of my conviction that no-one gets thor like i do lmao#anyway this is not me complaining abt the few ppl i DO know in this fandom. you're all cool!!#it's just me bashing my head against a wall bc sometimes it seems like the only ppl who love both my favourite characters equally#are inc*st shippers#and shipping them is in my humble opinion just one more way to spectacularly miss the point#sigh. idk. i am trying to be more zen and ignore them without trying to bite anyone#but it also does just make me sad sometimes bc like#okay i know this is going to sound presumptuous and pretentious and so on blah blah blah#but like. i do think that amatonormativity is a huge force behind that phenomenon#which also means i think a lot of them are just ppl who like both characters and are doing it in a 'well why not' kind of way#because they don't feel like adjusting or interrogating their framework for fictional relationships they care about#and they DO feel like being a little bit edgy#which. on some level. makes me feel like. at least a few of them could've been My Community.#but they've shut the door on me.#which i know is self-centred#and also uninformed bc i do my best never to see them at all so i genuinely have NO idea what's going on in their heads it could be anythin#but still. eurghhh. it's just rlly fucking lonely okay#microdosing arophobia every day by being a genficcer in a slashfic world.#you can take the man out of the aro community* but you can't take the aro community out of the man!!!#(*turns out i'm gay)
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hecksupremechips · 5 months ago
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People in the notes have said physical therapist Akihiko and ohohoho you fools you fucking clowns you don’t even know. Imagine Shinji getting out of the coma and all the rehabilitation shit he’s gotta do all the physical therapy like you just know Akihiko is so fucking over the moon he’s done so much research he’s so excited to see Shinji have a “training regime” he infodumps about what’s happening with the muscle recovery process and what stretches work best hes just way too invested he talks over doctors and Shinji is just like “good god if you know so much why don’t you just be a physical therapist” and Akihiko’s like 😈
Akihiko becoming a cop is something that simply doesn’t happen in the coma route cuz Shinji would see that shit and be like Aki what the actual hell is wrong with you
#like he does feel upset seeing shinji in such a vulnerable state and struggling with everything#but it does get overshadowed by excitement mitsuru is like ‘please he just got out of a coma stop being so pushy 😵‍💫’#hes just so invested he gets to learn so much shit he never even considered before its so interesting#and i think itd be very important that hes much more aware of like limits this time cuz a big strain in his relationship with shinji was#aki being pushy and not understanding shinjis limits and shinji being bad at letting himself have limits and communicating them#and like its very important not to push too hard when recovering from a coma cuz itll just make things worse#its a big adjustment for both of them cuz akihiko definitely has always been told to push harder past limits and to always try to be#stronger and not let yourself stop and its more important now than ever to unlearn that attitude#and shinji is so all or nothing like he either quits too fast or pushes to the point of destruction without communicating anything#so its very easy for him to get trapped in a hopeless spiral when things take time and then get desperate and try too hard#but he gets a lot of encouragement from everyone this time and its sooo weird and annoying and overwhelming but it is nice#also quick tangent like really pisses me off when ppl write shinji just like MIRACULOUSLY SPRINGING OUT of the coma like he just pops awake#gets up and starts running to do shit which tbf the game does it too but its like dude hes been in a like 6 month coma#im not an expert i still got a lotta research to do but i mean theres so much shit hes gonna go through#even if theres no like brain damage youre still gonna have to relearn basic stuff like eating breathing walking and like. general awareness#of your surroundings and who you are and what happened to you and 6 months is so long too so its gonna be rough#im not saying you gotta give him like brain damage but damn at least establish that recovery is lengthy and difficult#his ass is not walking around!!!#also hes still got a lot of mental illness and like did get shot fully believing he deserved to die so like hes also gotta lot of mental#health recovery to be doing like unless he somehow has some magical therapy coma dreams things arent gonna be perfect peachy for him#i get wanting to make everything happy but idk personally i think id rather it be gradual and a struggle cuz its more realistic and like#i think having this character just miraculously be fine is such a disservice like i think he deserves to have love and hope for him even#when its difficult cuz his life will never be easy he’ll never be free from the trauma but that doesnt mean his life isnt worth living#and him being loved unconditionally even though hes a ‘burden’ is so so important to me#i just hate the laziness like wheres the love man wheres the genuine character appreciation#anyway physical therapist aki its canon now hed be so so good at it and hes got personal experience
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chisatowo · 2 years ago
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I'm slowly getting to the point where like legitimately Kanade and Mafuyu have the least interesting dynamic in 25ji to me. Tbf the fandom is Not helping
#rat rambles#sekai posting#like. any ways they could make eachother worse is not rly feasable in their current state since theyre not close enough#like I love them I rly do but in canon I think they currently have the least to explore until both of them develop more seperately#mafuyu is getting closer but kanade is still quite the ways off rn#so for now I just find their dynamic to be kind of stagnant and just. not as interesting as some of the others#primarily cause theyre the most passive ones in terms of developing their relationships#they arent gonna fix eachother they arent gonna make eachother worse kanade is a comfort to mafuyu that does mean a lot but the big thing#is that kanade doesnt actually know how to help mafuyu other than just. trying to understand them more from a distance#which is still interesting to me mind you but not for the reasons ppl act like it is#my big thing is that it makes for a good showcase in how clumsy and awkward kanade is with her relationships#she has been incredibly socially isolated for a while and even before that she evidently didnt have friends then either and was also#dealing with parental neglect as well so like. all in all it makes sense that she has not a clue how to actually interact with ppl who#arent the ones initiating everything for her#she doesnt know how to initiate casual conversation or even deeper conversations the best she can think to do is just observe and#occationally ask how mafuyu is feeling which does mean something to mafuyu but still leaves them as somewhat distant beyond music#which is fine but I think we're getting to the point that I hope we can see a bit more from them sooner than later since I do wanna see#kanade get more development in that front#but again that requires solo developmemt for them both first so we'll see if we get to that anytime soon#kanade is just generally a tricky character to give character development that isnt super slowly cause she currently has to be pushed into#most things and doesnt have much of a drive to do things for her own sake#and I love thinking abt that sort of long term kanade development but it does make it tricky to get the ball truly rolling#spojoy park gave us a bit if some of those first steps tho so I do hope we're leading up to more#but ya this is all to say I still find them interesting but more in an individual way than a group way#I dont see them talk and go omg them I just go omg kanade or omg mafuyu and the other is also there ig#in the unit swap au tho? I could go on abt them forever now thats a pair of disfunctional mentally ill teens#cause whem unit swap mafuyu goes 'I can fix him' they dont just waffle around passively they immediately go into action#and there are elements in which they do help and elements where they. super dont.#like when you get to the point where fucking kanade is like hey can you back off like actually maybe just maybe youve gone a bit too far
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